Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Second Star to the Right...and straight on till morning.

Okay, Admirals and Captains, here's the question this week. You're commanding a top-of-the-line starship (NCC-1701-A). Your robot side-kick (R2-D2) is at your side, the irritating kid is at the helm, and your CMO is getting testy. But the universe is your oyster. What course coordinates do you provide the helm? In other words, where do you take the ship for its shakedown cruise? Destination?

Going back into film and TV history, there are number of interesting worlds to visit. Let's start with Forbidden Planet. We could follow Captain Adams and see how Dr. Morbius is doing on Altair, right? Just be certain to erect a security forcefield around the landing site, since Monsters from the Id are known to wander the deserts by night. That's a negative, but a bonus is that we could stop by the underground and get a Krell brain boost. Also, Robby the Robot provides ship-to-settlement shuttle service. Perhaps you prefer Metaluna?

Star Trek probably provided more interesting planetary destinations than any TV show in history. Remember that favorite campfire tune, "Moon over Rigel VII?" We could head to Rigel. Or, if we're in the mood for a sun burn and heat stroke (hence the phrase "hot as Vulcan"), we could head to Spock's home planet. Make sure you bring Tri-ox compound.

If time travel is more your game, we could visit the planet of the Guardian of Forever. Let's just be really careful not to corrupt the time line. Or, if you don't feel particularly adventurous today, there's always any number of starbases where we could relax and get some well-earned R & R.

The dangerous, trippy universe of Space:1999 could provide some interesting destinations too. I hear that the foliage on planet Luton is quite beautiful this time of year. Just don't pick the berries, or the Judges of Luton will pass judgment on you.

If you're in the mood to visit a casino, in the universe of Battlestar Galactica you can find one on the planet called Carillon. There's a Tylium fuel facility there too. Need directions? Leave the Colonies, and keep heading straight through the Nova of Madagon. You may need to clear a mine-field, however. Oh, and word to the wise: the casino on Carillon provides great food and entertainment, but beware the lodgings. For some reason, all the elevators take you straight down to the lower levels...

Maybe you're a scholar and really into galactic history, and would like to visit the recently restored moisture farm on Tatooine, belonging to the most famous family in galactic history, The Skywalkers. Once upon a time (long, long ago, actually) Anakin Skywalker brought down our beloved Republic, but his son, Luke, restored it. While you're visiting the homestead, be sure to visit the small grave out beyond the encampment. It's hard to find a good restaurant, nearby - be warned. Mos Eisley? You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Finally, maybe you'd like to go break a friend out of prison. If he's not at Rura Penthe (a.k.a. "The alien's graveyard..."), there's a good chance he's incarcerated in Fiorona 161 (a.k.a. "the ass end of space.") The prisoners there are generally well-behaved, but the facility stinks. It's a maximum security prison with no weapons whatsoever, so set those phasers to stun. Also, there's some kind of xenomorph pest problem...

Seriously, this post would go on forever because every TV and film space adventure worth its salt has featured fascinating planetary destinations. Don't limit yourself. There's Skaro, Eminiar VII, Naboo, Draconia, Dagobah, LV-426, Ceti Alpha V, The Genesis Planet, the Planet of the Apes, Gallifrey, Arrakis, and more. You name it! But lucky you, can only pick one. The warp engines are standing by.

Awaiting your orders. Course heading, admiral?

1 comment:

  1. We haven't actually "been" there yet on 'Doctor Who' but it was mentioned in the second episode of Eccleston's reign as the Doctor - "The End of the World":

    I'd like to visit the Forests of Cheem, where the trees are humanoid and sentient and at least in the case of the late lamented Jabe, very sexy.

    For wood, that is.....