The Visitors are Coming: V: The Series: "The Return" (March 22, 1985)

In “The Return,” the final episode of V: The Series (1984 -1985), the Leader declares a truce on Earth, demanding that all Visitor warriors and sky-fighters withdraw.  

The Leader also communicates telepathically with Elizabeth (Jennifer Cooke), and wishes to rendezvous with her on the L.A. Mothership, over Kyle’s objections.

With peace at hand, Mike (Marc Singer), Julie (Faye Grant), Willie (Robert Englund), Kyle (Jeff Yagher) and Elizabeth board the Mothership, where they are greeted on friendly terms by Lydia (June Chadwick) and Philip (Frank Ashmore). 

In fact, Philip challenges Mike to a friendly duel with (de-activated) nuclear swords.  Diana sabotages the contest, however, and Mike is nearly killed.

Diana (Jane Badler), who fears that she will lose command if peace is at hand, also conspires to destroy the Leader’s shuttle and makes the assassination attempt look like a plot by the Resistance.  The plan fails, and Diana is exposed.  Desperate, she attempts to vaporize the Earth using the mothership’s fusion reactors.

Then Elizabeth, with psychic help from the Leader, manages to save the day, harnessing the ship's technology with the power of her mind. Diana is captured and held for trial with her cohort, Lt. James (Judson Scott) while Elizabeth prepares to go off with the Leader.  

Kyle stows away on her shuttle, unwilling to give up Elizabeth.

Diana, meanwhile, reports that a bomb has been planted on the Leader’s shuttle…

Even at its very worst, V: The Series always had brass balls.  

The program killed off regular cast members willy-nilly, featured kinky sexual innuendo at virtually every turn, and then gave us this episode -- “The Return" -- a gonzo cliff-hanger conclusion, as its final installment. Almost thirty years later, the cliffhanger still hasn't been resolved, alas.

I still recall seeing “The Return” in prime-time in 1985 and finding the tension unbearable, especially during the climactic pull-back up, up, up and away from the mothership deck, and from the Resistance fighters.  

Nothing was resolved, and disaster loomed.  Elizabeth was gone. Kyle had disappeared.  And Diana was still scheming to break the peace....violently.  When the end credits rolled, I think my heart was in my throat.

I must say, I’m especially sad a second season never materialized because June Chadwick informed me in an interview some time back that the first several episodes of Season Two would have seen Lydia pursuing Diana on an alien world for her crimes against the Visitors.  I would have loved to see those episodes. 

So “The Return” has momentum, and guts, too. It goes for broke, and there's an energy in the air that was missing from some of the last few episodes.  Everyone gets it together for one last hurrah. 

Looking back, I half suspect that the plan was to kill Elizabeth and Kyle (along with the Leader) and start fresh with some new characters the following season, if the series got renewed. I know that Julie’s death was in the offing.  If so, that would only have left Jane Badler, June Chadwick and Marc Singer returning.

Despite the pacey, go-for-broke nature of “The Return,” the episode does raise a few intriguing questions, especially in regards to the depiction of the Leader.  Although we never see the Leader during this installment, we hear his booming voice frequently, and see that his shuttle is awash in unearthly light.  It’s as though he’s more God than man, or rather lizard.  He can communicate telepathically (which other Visitors can’t), can control his technology remotely (which, again other Visitors can’t,) and seems very concerned with peace (which his people don't).

So he's an anomaly.

Of course, none of this information about the Leader in "The Return" jibes with the information Martin (Frank Ashmore) told Mike in the first mini-series back in 1983.  There, Martin described the Leader as a kind of charismatic madman who seized power in a time of turmoil and upheaval. He was a war-mongering fascist dictator (think Hitler), and not some benevolent “Father” of the Visitor race. 

And indeed, it makes no sense for The Leader to wage war against the Earth in the first place if he is such a peace-loving person (or force, as the case might be).  

Also, we know from series history that the Leader was Diana’s lover for a time. It’s hard to picture the serene-voiced, light-encrusted “Leader” imagery of “The Return” in those circumstances.  Diana would eat him for breakfast.

The episode’s other weak point, perhaps, is another lame subplot involving Willie. Here he meets an old flame Irma who wants to pick up where they left off. This subplot hardly seems worthy of a season finale or series finale, and the time would have been better spent with either Diana --who is told by Philip that her “voice will no longer be heard” -- or with Kyle and Elizabeth, whose relationship hits a crossroads as Elizabeth “evolves.”

I grew up with V: The Series, and I loved it as a fifteen year old kid. Today, I appreciate it primarily for the performances, especially those of Jane Badler, June Chadwick, and Faye Grant.  I believe it is undeniable that all three of these actors would have been even better served with the original “It Can’t Happen Here” idea of the series.  The show could have been a drama about the Visitors inserting themselves into our lives here on Earth, finding collaborators and allies, as well as making enemies.  I don't believe the hard "action" approach of the series suits V very well.  The premise is too smart to get reduced cleanly to car chases and fisticuffs.

Actually, even the Open City format that opened the series and lasted for a dozen episodes or so would have worked just fine, if some of the writing was just a little stronger.  But the re-vamp at V’s midpoint just kills the series, at least in terms of its heroes.  The Resistance loses all semblance of reality, and so the action heavily tilts towards the Mothership, where Badler and Chadwick reign, stealing scene after scene. I find these scenes immensely enjoyable and a saving grace, but again, there's a sense of imbalance overall.  

A summer break would have well-served the series. Everyone could have rested, stories could have been honed, and better ideas (and perhaps) characters explored.  Brandon Tartikoff once reported that canceling V was a tremendous mistake, and I agree with him in the sense that the series had a charismatic cast, a great premise, and, a vast array of expensive sets and costumes.  If the writers had learned to play better to those strengths, a second season might have been a vast improvement over the first. 

It is too bad we never got to find out.  

The Visitors are Coming V: The Series: "Secret Underground" (March 15, 1985)

In “Secret Underground,” Julie (Faye Grant) and Mike (Marc Singer) infiltrate the Los Angeles mothership when the couple learns that Parrish’s old flame, Maitland (John Calvin) is working on a deadly virus that could destroy humanity.  This is Diana’s “final solution to the human question.”

Meanwhile, Diana (Jane Badler) plans a nasty shock for her competitor, Lydia (June Chadwick). As the Visitor’s Feast of Ramalon approaches, it is tradition to have a “sacrificial lamb” for the festival, typically the youngest hero of the fleet.  Diana thus transfers Lydia’s brother Nigel (Ken Olandt) to Earth, and then offers him up as sacrifice.

Lydia seeks Philip’s help to outlaw the barbaric ritual and save her brother’s life, realizing that Diana will show her no mercy.

“Secret Underground” involves yet another instance of human Resistance fighters infiltrating the mothership successfully, destroying property there, and returning to Earth unscathed.  Already this sequence of events had occurred in “The Dissident,” to name just one episode.

Uniquely, this episode features a nifty trick in regards to that over-used plot-line.  Donovan and Julie wear Donovan and Julie masks (over lizard mask, over their own faces…) so that when caught, they will look like Visitors. 

Diana does the unmasking herself and is completely flummoxed when faced with the notion that her enemies are actually underlings who resemble her enemies..  I should note, this is the kind of story detail that Faye Grant said, at one point, would be her preference: stories of secret infiltration rather than gunfights.  The only problem in “Secret Underground” is that it strains plausibility that the Resistance should successfully mount this mission with no casualties.

In terms of character background, we learn in this episode of Julie’s previous relationship with Maitland, which sets up a kind of faux jealousy battle between Maitland and Donovan.

Julie reports that she and Donovan are “just friends,” which is a change in premise.  As late as “Visitor’s Choice” their code names in the Resistance were Romeo and Juliet, and in V: The Final Battle (1984) we saw them together as a couple.  I have no problem with the idea that they may have broken up, or otherwise ended the relationship, only that it would have been nice to see that point of character development.  

Rather, we suddenly -- after weeks of Julie’s absence -- suddenly get the “we’re just friends” routine. It happened to Jessica and Logan, it happened to Buck and Wilma, and here it happens again to Donovan and Julie.

“Secret Underground” reveals a more “human” side to Lydia, if that’s the right term. 

She realizes what Diana has planned for her brother, Nigel -- ritual sacrifice -- and does everything in her power to stop it, though is stymied at every turn.  It is clear she is in torment, and never believed Diana would stoop so low as to go after her family.  In some way, “Secret Underground” paves the way for the show’s last episode, “The Return,” in which Lydia is seen to readily make peace with the humans.  Perhaps allying herself with Philip here has led her to a reckoning about her behavior, and treatment of humans.

Also, the name Nigel is quite funny in relation to Lydia.  June Chadwick played Jeannine, the nemesis of one Nigel Tufnel, in 1984’s This is Spinal Tap.

Next week, we get to our final episode of V: The Series: “The Return.”

The Visitors are Coming: V: The Series: "War of Illusions" (March 8, 1985)

In “War of Illusions,” Diana (Jane Badler) and Lt. James (Judson Scott) plan to use a weapon called “the battle-sphere” to destroy Earth’s resistance forces permanently.  The device will control and coordinate a massive attack on the planet. The attack is based on plans “personally designed” by the Leader.

Philip (Frank Ashmore) meets with Donovan (Marc Singer) and Kyle (Jeff Yagher) to inform them of the imminent danger.

Before long, Donovan and Kyle learn that a hacker, Henry, can take control of the weapon. They need his help to save the human race. 

Unfortunately, Henry will not help unless the Resistance will rescue his father (Conrad Janis), who has claimed to be the hacker infiltrating the system, and has been taken aboard the mothership.

“War of Illusions” is an absolute train wreck, a sign that less and less attention was being paid to the crafting of V: The Series (1984 – 1985). 

First, the episode looks like it didn’t get enough footage in the can, and so resorts to stock footage from previous episodes on at least two occasions. 

In the first instance, we see repeat footage of Lt. James warning Visitor troops not to leave vehicles on the street for the Resistance. This is footage from “The Littlest Dragon.” And it isn't just a establishing view, it's an entire scene, replete with (repeat) dialogue.

And yes, that installment is actually the previous one, meaning this particular footage aired two weeks in a row.

The second piece of stock-footage is the episode’s punctuation.  After the battle-sphere fails, the episode cuts to Lydia (June Chadwick) on the Mothership with Diana, and she flippantly quips “better luck next time,” before walking away. 

This clip is actually taken from “Breakout.” 

In this case, the episode wasn’t aired in regular continuity order, so perhaps it doesn’t qualify as stock-footage.  But if you’ve been watching the episodes in order, you’ll recognize the clip nonetheless. What’s worse is that Lydia’s hair and uniform style don’t look the same as they do in the rest of the episode.  

And why is she snarking at Diana over this?  Their fleet of sky-fighters has just been decimated.  Lydia’s response makes no sense.

Another cheap expedient is the battle-sphere itself.  Fans watching the series regularly will recognize that the prop appeared frequently in Bates’ office at Science Frontiers.  The “battle-sphere” globe was also a specialty sold regularly at Spencer’s Gifts throughout the 1980s. 

Elizabeth (Jennifer Cooke), meanwhile keep gaining amazing powers just as they are needed; powers that are almost never used twice in the series.  Here, she can provide power to elevators, computers and other electronic devices with her mind.  Again, it’s amazing how new powers form in her psychic gestalt at the very point they could prove useful to her friends.

Finally, it is clear from her absence that Julie (Faye Grant) is now being phased out of the series entirely, which is a shame.  She started out as a strong leader of the Resistance, and is now little more than a guest character.

As has become the regular case, the only moments in “War of Illusions” that prove entertaining are those involving Diana.  She gets another great line “peel you a goldfish?” while in bed with Lt. James, and then gets to bark an intriguing order at her underling Oswald, the flamboyantly gay Visitor. 

After sizing up a row of hunky men, she says “have them scrubbed and oiled.  I’ll make my choice later.” 

Is she going to eat them or screw them? Or both?

With Diana, you simply never know, which is all part of the fun, I suppose.  Badler makes V -- even in its death throes -- worth watching.  Sometimes, I can't believe some of the kinkier scenes involving Diana made it to air, but I'm sure glad they did.

Next week: “Secret Underground.”

At Flashbak: Diana vs. Lydia

My newest article at Flashbak tallies my five favorite moments of the Diana/Lydia rivalry on V: The Series (1984-1985).

Here's a snippet, and the url: (http://flashbak.com/peel-you-a-goldfish-diana-and-lydias-5-most-outrageous-moments-on-v-the-series-1984-1985-18198/)

"V: The Series (1984 – 1985) -- the continuing saga of reptilian alien “Visitors” occupying 20^th century Earth -- aired on NBC in America thirty years ago, and this anniversary affords us the perfect opportunity to remember the series and its often over-the-top (but nonetheless delicious…) brand of storytelling.

In creator Kenneth Johnson’s hands, the original V mini-series (1983) was a serious, thoughtful allegory about fascism taking hold in America, and it aped Sinclair Lewis’s 1935 novel It Can’t Happen Here.

Yet by the time the weekly series aired, Johnson was gone, and the new producers opted for a more soap opera approach to the alien and human intrigue.

In short, the series suddenly had to compete in the mid-1980s with the likes of popular programming like Dynasty, Knots Landing, Falcon Crest, and Dallas. 

So while the mini-series had focused on the ways that the sneaky Visitors assumed control of our hearts and minds (via the media, government, propaganda, and scapegoating), the ensuing NBC series focused on fireworks of a more personal nature. 

In particular, many of the series’ most dynamic and involving moments involve the sparring matches between Jane Badler’s brilliantly-drawn villain, Diana and June Chadwick’s equally charismatic Visitor opponent, Lydia. 

The primary reason to watch the series -- especially following a behind-the-scenes cast massacre mid-way through -- very quickly became this character interaction.

Diana and Lydia battled over war strategy, peace, and romantic lovers like Duncan Regehr's Visitor, Charles.  They always attempted to gain ultimate power, making their opponent look bad in the process.

Tallied below are the five of Lydia and Diana’s best moments from the program."

The Visitors are Coming: V: The Series (1984 - 1985): "The Littlest Dragon" (February 22, 1985)

In “The Littlest Dragon,” Inspector General Philp (Frank Ashmore) pursues Donovan (Marc Singer) on Earth, hoping to avenge the death of his brother, Martin.  He is unaware that Diana murdered Martin and has poisoned his mind against Mike.

Mike, Willie (Robert Englund) and Kyle (Jeff Yagher) are pursued to a garage by the Visitors, and run across a refugee Visitor couple.  The female is on the verge of delivering their baby, and needs Willie’s help.

Meanwhile, Diana plans to murder Philip and frame Lydia for his death.

V: The Series (1984 – 1985) is again suffering budgetary and writing pains in “The Littlest Dragon.” 

The heroes no longer have a base (the former Club Creole...) and each new episode sets up a new, ostensibly cheap location, and features only a few cast members. This week Kyle, Willie and Mike are back in the same town we’ve seen several times, and end up in a garage, surrounded by Philip’s shock-troopers.  

Similarly, the green Visitor baby prop from V: The Final Battle gets re-used here, representing a different baby.

Meanwhile, the intrigue on the mothership is not as intriguing as in previous episodes. Jane Badler’s Diana, however, again provides audiences a dramatic high-point.  This time, she acts in a physically seductive manner with a Visitor female (Angela).  At this point, Diana has demonstrated sexual interest in men of the human and Visitor races, and now female Visitors too.  “Bi-curious” doesn’t begin to adequately describe her, and I love that the series makes no apologies for Diana's sexually omnivorous nature.

“The Littlest Dragon” ends with the new Visitor parents discussing faith with Willie. “What is faith?” one Visitor asks.  Of course, by this point we know that the Visitors do possess a religious faith: the Brotherood of Zon, established in many previous episodes.  It may be only a cult, but certainly it is a faith that the Visitors know and understand, at least on general terms.  Therefore, the question seems odd.

Finally, a baby delivered on the fly, in a war zone, was a subplot in “The Rescue” just three or four episodes back. There, it was a human baby that Julie had to delivery.  Here, we get a Visitor baby that Willie helps deliver.  

But the whole episode just feels very derivative and slapdash.  Even the moments with Donovan and Philip learning to trust one another seem largely devoid of tension.

In two weeks: “War of Illusions”

The Visitors are Coming: V: The Series: "The Wildcats" (February 15, 1985)

In “The Wildcats” Diana (Jane Badler) and Lydia (June Chadwick) conspire to point the finger of blame at the mothership’s pharmacist, Marta (Gela Jacobson) for the murder of Charles.

If they are successful, Marta will spend eternity with Charles’ corpse in a space-bound sarcophagus.

Meanwhile, on Earth, Julie (Faye Grant), Willie (Robert Englund), Elizabeth (Jennifer Cooke) and Kyle (Jeff 

Yagher) are desperately combating an epidemic of diphtheria, but need fresh supplies of medicine to stop it. 

A local gang of young resisters, the Wildcats, reluctantly offer assistance, but a traitor in their midst threatens everything. 

Now Donovan (Marc Singer) must make a daring flight to Julie’s location to drop off the needed medicine, but Julie fears that if the mole in the Widlcats isn’t identified, a disaster will occur.

Meanwhile, a Wildcat named Ellen (Rhonda Aldrich) falls in love with Willie, unaware that he is actually a Visitor. He must tell her the truth, but it isn’t easy.

The fifteenth episode of V: The Series follows up on the pattern of last week’s installment, “The Champion.” In short, it features an underwhelming Resistance story and a delicious tale of intrigue with the Visitors.

This week, Julie is miraculously recovered from her neck-brace injury of last week, and is the central human character. This time, it is Mike Donovan who puts in a mere “guest appearance,” and is barely present.  This arrangement seems very much like a way to eliminate the characters’ former romance.  If they are hardly on-screen together, there’s not much time for them to interact meaningfully.  Similarly, the new pattern -- Julie as our star one week, Mike the next -- looks a lot like a schedule-saving measure, a way to lower costs, perhaps.

Meanwhile, the overall story, about a young gang of resistance members, the Wildcats, seems to mirror strongly the dynamic of the movie Red Dawn (1984).  There, high school students formed a resistance cell when Soviets took over their western town. Substitute the Visitors for the Soviets, and you get the premise of “The Wildcats.”

Still, two elements of this episode really stand-out, and deserve a mention. 

First, Willie’s subplot with Ellen functions remarkably effectively as an allegory of gay men in America, and for 1985 network television, this is an outstanding development. 

In particular, a beautiful woman shows interest in a handsome stranger she has met, Willie, and he must break it to her that he is “different” from other men she knows, and not suitable as a romantic partner or lover.

It’s true, Willie is an alien -- a Visitor -- and not a gay man, but the scene wouldn’t unfold differently at all if his nature changed in that way. He is an outsider who hides his inner-self from those around him, for fear of rejection and hostility. 

So, very clearly, V: The Series presents an allegory for being in the closet in 1980s America, and again, this is simply staggering in terms of getting socially-conscious material past the network censors. Watching “The Wildcats” today there is virtually no other way to interpret the subtext of Willie’s story. And I should hasten, this kind of material is infinitely more interesting for Englund to vet than the lame comic-relief he is often asked to front.

Secondly, V briefly reclaims its history as a truly macabre production in “The Wildcats.”  In the past we have seen all manners of dreadful horror imagery in the program, from reptilian babies to rodent-eating lizard people.  But this episode resurrects that brand of chilling imagery with a premature burial.  Poor Marta is framed for the murder of Charles by two “fiendish hellcats” Diana and Lydia.  Her fate is to travel through space -- awake and conscious -- in a transparent sarcophagus…with the corpse of her victim, the decaying Charles, at her side.

Today it is easy to write this scene off as silly because of special effects, and because some moments seem to our modern eyes to border on camp.

But much like the “Space Vampire” episode of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (1979-1981), there’s also an extreme darkness to the imagery featured here.  In 1985, to see an innocent woman bottled up with a corpse and shot into space was nothing less than harrowing, at least to my young eyes.  It just wasn’t something you expected to see on network TV.  This is very gruesome stuff…and further evidence of Diana’s absolute depravity.

All of V’s deficits at this point in its history are present in “The Wildcats,” particularly a simplification of the human characters so that the Resistance seems almost cartoony, and yet “The Wildcats” also features that sub-plot with Willie “coming-out” and explaining to a human woman that he does not have the same taste as other men.  And finally, it features the macabre living-death of Marta, one hell of a send-off to the long-standing Charles subplot.

All in all, that’s not too bad a legacy for the series in its final evolution.

Next week: “The Littlest Dragon.”

The Visitors are Coming: V: The Series: "The Champion" (February 8, 1985)

In “The Champion,” the fourteenth episode of V: The Series (1984 – 1985), Mike Donovan (Marc Singer) and Kyle Bates (Jeff Yagher) go on a crucial supply run to Tucson, but are intercepted by corrupt police running a “toll road,” en route. 

The Resistance fighters escape and take safe haven at the ranch of a plucky single mother, Kathy Courtney (Deborah Wakeman).  Kathy and her teenage daughter, Jessie (Sherri Stoner), inform Mike and Kyle that a corrupt sheriff, Roland (Hugh Gillin) is collaborating with the Visitors.

Mike and Kyle resolve to help fight the corrupt regime, but Jessie wants Mike to stay with the family permanently, and he is tempted.

Meanwhile, on the Visitor mothership, Inspector General Philip (Frank Ashmore) arrives to determine guilt in the case of Charles’ murder. 

Lydia (June Chadwick) is entitled to “combat to the death with her accuser,” Diana (Jane Badler), and the two women go a round before Philip puts an end to it. 

As Philip gathers evidence, however, he determines that Diana and Lydia should each be responsible for the other’s safety, lest any unfortunate “accidents” occur…”

“The Champion” continues the format alterations that I registered on the series last week, regarding “The Rescue.” 

Specifically, the Resistance/Earth-based story is dreadful, and the alien/mothership story is a soap opera hoot, enlivened by tongue-in-cheek performances and outrageous dialogue.

To put it another way, the material with Diana, Lydia and Philip (Martin’s brother) is a helluva lot of fun in a campy, outrageous sort of way, even if lands far astray from the franchise’s origins. 

The highlight this week occurs when Diana and Lydia engage in a ceremonial one-on-one battle while wearing glittery make-up that makes them resemble members of KISS.

The scene is not merely amusing because of the silly costuming choices, but because Diana and Lydia share some great adversarial dialogue. For instance, Lydia boasts that she has never lost a contest involving “mortal combat.”   Diana responds that Lydia is an “idiot” and that if she had lost, “she’d be dead.”  It’ just totally wicked and totally bitchy material, and Chadwick and Badler go for broke with it.

The only baffling point: why does Lydia so sincerely protest her innocence?  She was the one, indeed, who acquired the poison, and put into a cup in Charles’ chamber.  Diana may have switched cups, realizing Lydia’s plan, but the trail leads back to Lydia, pretty clearly.

By contrast to the fun intrigue on the mothership, the Resistance material is just uniformly horrible here, and hackneyed to boot. In this case, “The Champion” is a reiteration of an old 1970s-1980s TV cliché: the Single Mother in Jeopardy Syndrome.

In stories of this type, the series protagonists stumble upon a noble woman living with her teenage child, but without the support of a husband.  She’s a feisty, independent sort – usually a widow -- but she falls in love with the series hero, who is then tempted to stay to fill in as husband and father to this broken family unit. 

In terms of the genre, the Single Mother in Jeopardy Syndrome was seen on Battlestar Galactica (with Apollo, in “The Lost Warrior”) and in Buck Rogers (“The Satyr.”)  Outside the genre, the same story appeared on The A-Team, and MacGyver, to name just two popular programs of the era. 

Here Mike is tempted to stay with Kathy and Jessie but -- of course -- does not do so.  I suppose the story fulfills sort of wish-fulfillment for the male writers and for the character of Mike.  He could just walk away from the Resistance and right into a ready-made family and “normal life.”  But of course, he has too many responsibilities to live that particular, idyllic life, doesn’t he?

Meanwhile, Julie Parrish (Faye Grant) -- Mike’s should-be romantic partner -- is out of commission for most of the episode and seen wearing a neck brace.  WTF? 

I suspect the good doctor got whiplash from all the series cast (and premise…) changes she was forced to endure over the previous three week period.  Seriously: Julie is a wonderful character, and a great role model.  Yet here she is, sitting on the sidelines so Mike can have his fantasy romance episode.

In case you couldn’t tell, we are moving now into V’s final death spiral as a series.  The Visitors have become infinitely more entertaining and fun (and three dimensional…) than the shallow human characters, and the Los Angeles Resistance has been relegated, basically, to a van full of clichéd people (the alpha male, the resident alien, the comic relief, and the secondary alpha male [!]) wandering oft-seen Southern California locations.

Next week: “The Wildcats.”

The Visitors Are Coming: V: The Series: "The Rescue" (February 1, 1985)

In “The Rescue” -- the first post-cast-massacre episode of V: The Series (1984 – 1985) -- Lydia (June Chadwick) and Charles (Duncan Regher) realize that Diana (Jane Badler) is a loose cannon, but that it will be immensely difficult to remove her from Visitor Command since her attack on Earth has been successful. 

Before long, a scheming Charles devises a devious way to get rid of Diana: Section 48 of the Code of Raman.

As Visitor royalty, he can select any Visitor woman as his bride by law, without fear of the woman's refusal. 

Then, because Diana's primary job will be child-bearing, his bride can be shipped back home to the Visitor home planet, out-of-commission on the front line.

When Charles proposes to Diana, she realizes she has been (temporarily) out-maneuvered. Charles intends to send her far away once she is "married...with lizard."

However, this clever strategy goes awry when Charles catches a glimpse of the fetching Diana luxuriating in a glowing-green Visitor tub during a pre-nuptial ceremony. 

As Diana swims in the nude alongside ceremonial eels ("may the venom give you strength, and make your body fertile..."), Charles realizes he isn't so keen to send the sexy Diana away after all. At least not until he has enjoyed his honeymoon.

To that end, Charles has already "installed the most comfortable bed in the fleet." 

But Lydia is jealous, and plots to murder Diana with cat poison.  Diana sees through the plan, however, and sees to it that Charles drinks the poison instead…

On July 29, 1981, Prince Charles and Diana wed at St. Paul's Cathedral in London before a global TV audience of one billion people. 

On February 1, 1985, however, the real fireworks commenced when Diana married Visitor royalty, Charles in “The Rescue.” 

It was a match made in science fiction heaven. The groom wore black. The bride wore...scales

The ceremony in the episode is officiated by a hissing lizard-man in a Cardinal hat, and the wedding banquet consists of spiders, gerbils, rats and other small animals. (And the banquet table is decorated with a statue of Godzilla spray-painted white.) 

Forget the traditional wedding cake, Diana and Charles instead share their "ceremonial mouse.”

By this point in the franchise continuity, V: The Series has become sort of wickedly-amusing high-camp, and yet one can’t help but feel compassion for Diana as Lydia and Charles conspire against her.  The material, though silly on one level, also achieves relevance in 1980s America, particularly about the role of women in Visitor society.

Even a female who has risen so high in a military power structure as Diana has is ultimately undone by her society's expectations of her as a biological female. Accordingly, everything -- from that very command structure to the dictates of her religion -- subverts her individual desire to "achieve" in what seems a "man's" world. Even though Diana is unequivocally evil, you cheer when she defeats Charles' thoroughly unfair plan for dispatching her. 

Again, it seems worthwhile to point out that, whatever its specific failings, V: The Series was a pioneer in terms of depicting strong female characters, and even in an episode like this -- and with a character who is ostensibly a villain -- these characters are written sympathetically.  Yes, the series more closely resembles Dynasty or Dallas at this point than It Can't Happen Here, but there is still a strong connection between Diana and the audience.  She is a character we love to hate, but we also don't like to see a person of such power treated shabbily.

At the very least, the intrigue and back-stabbing on the mother-ship in “The Rescue” proves entertaining and droll.  The same can’t be said for the dire, hackneyed subplot with the Resistance.  In this case, a family seeks Julie’s (Faye Grant) help delivering a baby in the thick of the Los Angeles war zone.  The story is incredibly clichéd and hackneyed, and once more, Elizabeth demonstrates a new power that happens to help in the very moment it is needed.  She can now perfectly recall and imitate any human or visitor voice.

But each time "The Rescue" returns to Charles and Diana and their nuptials, viewers may find themselves smiling in spite of themselves. 

Badler, Regehr, and Chadwick keep (forked) tongues in cheek throughout, and are clearly having the time of their lives with this material.  The episode is outrageous, and yet it is also fun.  “The Rescue” sucks you in, despite your better judgment.  It many not be a great episode, but -- right down to the Charles and Diana wedding joke (art imitating life) -- it is an unforgettable one.

Next week the series' death spiral begins in earnest with "The Littlest Dragon."