Coulrophobia
is the acute fear of…clowns.
But
why be afraid of clowns at all?
After
all, clowns are merely slapstick circus performers garbed in ridiculous accouterments
(zany wigs, over-sized shoes, red noses, and pale white pancake-make-up faces…). They are designed to appeal, through their outrageous
behavior, to delighted kids.
Right?
Yet
children -- perhaps more than any of us -- often detect something dark and sinister
in the clown aesthetic.
Is
it the inhuman skin palette?
The desperate desire
to please, or to garner a laugh?
The
unavoidable perception that -- underneath that painted, gigantic smile
-- the performer isn’t really smiling at all?
Certainly,
horror movies such as Killer Clowns from Outer Space
(1988), Out of the Dark (1989), and Vulgar (2000), among
others, have exploited the seemingly universal human fear of clowns.
But
movies are not alone in spot-lighting this monster or “boogeyman.” In cult-television history, scary clowns have
also long been a staple of storytelling.
The circus or carnival is a frequent setting of popular genre series
(including The Evil Touch, The Fantastic Journey, and Tales from the Crypt),
and clowns have appeared again and again to terrorize our slumber.
Below
are my personal selections for the five creepiest cult-television clowns. Your mileage may vary.
5. The Servants
of the Gods of Ragnarok
(“The Greatest Show in the Galaxy,” Doctor Who [1988 – 1989])
This
story during the era of the Seventh incarnation of the famous Time Lord
(Sylvester McCoy), overtly involves
coulrophobia. In particular, the Doctor’s young companion, Ace (Sophie Aldred)
is terrified of clowns. This is a fear the Doctor -- in his unofficial and
ongoing role as her therapist -- hopes to disabuse her of. Together, the duo decides to visit the
Psychic Circus on the planet Segonax.
The
truth behind the strange circus, however, is that the malevolent chief clown
and his mechanical clowns actually serve the Gods of Ragnarok, beings who feed
off of entertainment.
After
encountering these terrifying clowns and defeating the Gods, the Doctor
determines that he doesn’t like clowns very much, either…and who can blame him?
4. The Ceiling
Clown (“Dead
Letters,” Millennium [1996 – 1999])
Chris
Carter’s Millennium is a series rife with horror imagery of all
varieties, and all of it artistically and beautifully wrought. In the third
ever episode of the series, young Jordan Black (Brittany Tiplady) experiences a
terrifying nightmare involving a clown.
But this being Millennium, it isn’t your normal, garden-variety
clown.
On
the contrary, the briefly-seen clown is creepily perched -- like a hanging spider – from a ceiling in
the Black household. This clown is the
stuff of nightmare fodder because though its body is oriented downwards
(hanging from the ceiling), its head and face are upside down (or by our
perspective, right-side up…). This final
bizarre touch -- the clown head at odds
with the positioning of the clown body -- is just incredibly upsetting.
In
the case of “Dead Letters,” the clown is almost a throwaway character, and
separate entirely from the main story, which involves a serial killer. But the disturbing dream imagery of the clown
makes the viewer aware that there is something very dark and very menacing
stalking suburbia.
I
remember watching this episode on first run in 1996 (in my mid-twenties) and
having visions of that hanging clown before I went to sleep that night. I would love to see a Millennium movie with a
full-grown Jordan experiencing visions of that clown again, and requiring the
help of her father, Frank Black (Lance Henriksen) to exorcise them. Or imagine
if Jordan’s child suddenly began having a vision of that ceiling clown, and it summoned
up a memory in Jordan…
3. Pennywise the Clown (It [1990])
The
dreadful Pennywise emerges from the amazing imagination of horror icon Stephen
King and his novel It, and is performed in this TV-movie by the legendary and
incomparable Tim Curry.
Here,
the dreadful clown -- actually some kind
of hideous spider-creature -- feeds on the imagination of several
youngsters and friends, terrorizing their waking hours and their sleep. Curry is at his malevolent best in this role,
and internalizes the character of this monster to a truly frightening degree.
In
fact, when one thinks of evil clowns, Pennywise is perhaps the one name that
leaps to mind immediately.
Many would no
doubt place this beast first on this list, but I have reserved the top two
slots to TV clowns who disturbed me even more....
2. The Holographic Clown (“The Thaw,” Star Trek: Voyager
[1996])
It’s
one thing to be confronted with a scary clown in daylight, or even in
nighttime. It’s quite another thing, however, to face a clown that can control
reality, and re-shape the world to his bizarre, surreal, and disturbing
taste. That’s the very entity (Michael
McKean) encountered by The U.S.S. Voyager in this brilliantly-crafted second
season episode titled “The Thaw.”
Here,
several alien scientists are trapped in a holographic world run by this
malevolent clown...formerly but a figment of the computer system, but now sentient. While their consciousness visits the realm of
the clown, however, the scientists’ bodies slumber in suspended animation. But one “life” impacts the other, as the
clown learns, and he boasts the power, quite literally, to scare his victims to
death. Die in the hologram, and you die in reality…of
a massive coronary.
Before
long, this dark clown gets his hands on two Voyager crew-members -- Torres and
Harry Kim -- and Captain Janeway (Kate Mulgrew) must face him on his terrain,
where he possesses all the power and all the advantages. Janeway’s only weapon to fight back against
the the capricious, vengeful, monstrous creature is to show no fear whatsoever…no
matter what macabre sights he shows her.
If
there is such a thing as Hell -- a place
where your life is no longer your own and reality can be reshaped to terrify
you and make you suffer – then “The Thaw” does a creepy great job of
imagining it. Hard to believe this frightening tale is an episode of the family-friendly Star Trek franchise. It’s one of Voyager’s underrated
gems, and worth re-visiting.
1. Pippo the Clown (“The Clown,” One
Step Beyond [1960]).
I
hadn’t even been born yet when John Newland’s paranormal anthology was
broadcast for its original network run.
Instead -- as a teenage insomniac
in the mid-1980s -- I encountered reruns of the series at 2:00 am, in
syndication on a local channel.
I
remember watching the series during that twilight time -- when the rest of the
world slept -- and feeling (in admittedly paranoid fashion…), that I was the
only one watching; that somehow these stories were meant just for me.
One
of the most chilling and unnerving One Step Beyond stories was the
second season entry, “The Clown,” starring a very young Yvette Mimieux.
In
this tale, a mean, jealous husband, Tom Reagan (Christopher Dark) grew so
enraged at his wife’s kindness to a carnival clown that he murdered her…with
the clown’s own scissors. Although Pippo
the clown was then framed for his wife’s murder, Reagan faced a new and
unexpected terror. Every time he looked
in a mirror, he would see the clown -- still
in costume and turned implacably murderous -- looming nearer…
This
tale of vengeance and cosmic justice meted actually engenders sympathy for the
rotten Tom because his punishment is so terrifying. Pippo, the buck-toothed, silent clown, appears
in rear-view mirrors and the like, and finally threatens to drive the man to an
early death. “The Clown” is visualized
in moody black-and-white, expertly directed by Newland, and Pippo never speaks
or utters a word of explanation, anger or remorse for his campaign of terror.
Instead,
his rage-filled eyes -- seeking their quarry by blackest night -- convey his sinister
emotions. There’s a relentless, inevitable,
driving quality about Pippo’s
vengeance that, in my opinion, renders him the scariest clown to ever cross our
TV screens.
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