Saturday, August 26, 2017

Saturday Morning Cult-TV Blogging: Ark II: "The Cryogenic Man" (October 23, 1976)

Ark II conjures up a surprisingly sharp and witty installment this Saturday morning with “The Cryogenic Man,” an episode guest starring Gilligan’s Island actor Jim Backus -- Thurston Howell himself -- as “Arnold Pool.”  Pool is a twentieth-century business tycoon awakened into the twenty-fifth century, along with his assistant, Norman Funk (John Fiedler).

In “The Cryogenic Man,” Jonah, Ruth, Samuel and Adam revive these two men from five hundred years in the past, and the episode pauses first for a Planet of the Apes joke.  Upon seeing Adam, the talking chimpanzee, Pool exclaims “Good grief, we’ve been taken over by apes.”

After that nice self-reflexive bit of humor, the tale gets down to the meat of its social commentary.  Pool takes one look around the primitive village that represents his new home and asks: “Where are the high rises?  And the shopping centers?  Where are the stores?”  These are the things that a rich man of the twentieth century misses first, the teleplay notes.

Then, Pool promptly asks the confused leader of the village whether he is a “Democrat or a Republican.”  Ruth’s answer is charming and forthright: “There are no Democrats and Republicans anymore…”

Even though he’s awakened into a new and post-apocalyptic world, the entitled Pool believes he can still buy happiness with his vast fortune.  He offers the villagers cold hard cash (ten dollars an hour) to build him a big new house in the center of town.  Naturally, they’ve never even seen money. 

They’re a sick group,” Pool notes condescendingly.  “They don’t know what money is.” 

Before long, Pool learns that the villagers are starving, and can’t grow food successfully because of contaminated soil.  The problem is that their village stands on the location of Pool’s old industrial factory, where he produced a product known as Pool’s Power Plant, a kind of “miracle grow” for vegetation. 

Unfortunately, as Ruth confirms, the product is actually a toxic chemical; one harmful to human beings.

Rather than accept the facts, Pool derides the Ark II crew as “bureaucrats” not “scientists,” and warns that bureaucrats will always take “food” from people’s mouths.   He then instructs the villagers to trap Ruth and Jonah in the cryogenic chambers.

While Samuel and Adam attempt to rescue Ruth and Jonah from their enforced slumber, Pool starts up his factory, and it begins to spew poison into the atmosphere, thereby creating another serious problem.

Finally, the Ark II crew shuts down the factory (with a well-placed laser blast), and Pool promises to change his ways; to think about ecology, not just making money. 

At episode’s end, Jonah notes in his log that we can either “make the same mistakes over and over again…or learn and grow.”

“The Cryogenic Man” is particularly prescient in understanding a dynamic that we are, alas, all too familiar with today.  A businessman who stands to make vast sums of money wishes to deride “scientific findings” as socialist “bureaucracy” and ignore hard evidence…with the safety of the community endangered as a result of his selfishness. 

I guess Ark II saw the same problem in 1976, and made this episode in response.  But it’s discouraging that we haven’t taken many steps to change the problem in the intervening thirty-six years.  It’s one thing to be in favor of capitalism, another entirely to be in favor of irresponsible, unfettered capitalism.  One person’s right to personal wealth ends, I submit, when that quest harms another person’s right to breathe clean air, or drink clean water.   

But overall, today’s world suggests that Jonah’s belief that we can “learn and grow” has not yet come to pass in the real world.  Instead, we seem to be making the same mistakes over and over.

In terms of Ark II, this episode’s wholly unexpected sense of humor leavens the didacticism a bit. The writing here is clearer and edgier than many installments, making this one of the series’ smartest entries.

Finally, the idea of a money-hungry, irresponsible businessman awaking up in a future sans capitalism is an idea that also appeared on Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987 – 1994), in the first season finale, “The Neutral Zone.”

Next week: “Don Quixote.”

Saturday Morning Cult-TV Blogging: The Bugaloos: "Benita, the Beautiful?" (December 26, 1970)

In “Benita, the Beautiful?” Peter Platter holds a beauty contest Uptown.

The winner will become a movie star in Flicker Town, starring in a movie musical. Naturally, Benita Bizarre (Martha Raye) enters the contest, and plans to eliminate all the competition.

On the night of the contest, Gina Lolla Wattage and Joy (Caroline Ellis) fail to show up as contestants, and the Bugaloos realize that they have met with foul play at the hands of Benita and her minions.

The male Bugaloos and Sparky (Billy Barty) rush to Benita’s Jukebox and find the duo tied and gagged beneath a trap door.

The Bugaloos race to the contest, and then realize that they should let Benita win the contest after all. 
If she does win, she’ll be out of their hair, in Flicker Town. 

The Bugaloos decide to campaign for Benita to win, but at the last minute, another contestant enters the pageant: Funky Rat’s sister, Brumhilda.

Well, the plot of this episode is, basically, the same as the one we saw in “Our Home is our Hassle.” A contest of some type is in the offing, and Benita wants to win it. The variation occurs in the telling of this particular tale. In “Benita the Beautiful” viewers aren’t privy to the specifics of the villain’s plan. 

We don’t know what has happened to Joy or Gina, or where they are trapped.

The other twist in the story is that the Bugaloos act in a more tactical fashion than is usually the case. They decide to let Benita have her way -- winning the contest -- so that they will be rid of her once and for all. 

Of course, Benita doesn’t seem like she would make a good “Miss Out of this World.”

The episode enlarges the “world” of the Bugaloos in some ways, both successful and not. 

On the former front, the episode discusses “Flicker Town,” a place beyond the forest and uptown where movies (starring insects?) are made.

On the latter front, we meet some audience members and denizens of Uptown in this story, and they are white-board cut outs. These cut-outs are obviously two dimensional, and lacking the detail of color.  They look shoddy against the colorful wardrobes and sets.

The song of the week “Flicker Town” is all about Joy entering the beauty contest.  Here it is in its entirety:

Next week: “Now You See ‘Em, Now You Don’t.”

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Cult-TV Blogging: Star Maidens (1976): "Nightmare Cannon"

Star Maidens' tongue-in-cheek story-telling style continues with episode three, “Nightmare Cannon,” written by Eric Paice and directed by Wolfgang Storch.

"Nightmare Cannon" commences as Medusan refugees Shem (Gareth Thomas) and Adam (Pierre Brice) -- free in England -- commandeer medieval Wessex Castle and hide there (after freezing a kindly security guard they mistake for a Baron.  They still hope to escape the clutches of their would-be captors and female overlords from Medusa, Fulvia (Judy Geeson) and Octavia (Christiane Kruger).

Meanwhile, Earth scientist Liz Becker (Liza Harrow) and her German (and highly-excitable) assistant Rudi (Christian Quadflieg) take advantage of the fact that the Medusan women left the door to their advanced spaceship, Nemesis, wide-open.

The Earthers sneak aboard, and Rudi is promptly blinded by a high-tech control panel while snapping photos of the advanced technology. 

His impaired physical condition requires the aid of an absolutely terrifying robot physician. This female doctor boasts long wiry needles on the end of her fingers, has dead white eyes, wears horrific blue lipstick and speaks with a metallic inhuman voice. Apparently, the people of Medusa have never heard of a good bedside manner.

Using her "man finder" device (which -- remember -- hunts down men by scent...), Octavia tracks Adam and Shem to the castle and decides to re-capture them by firing a Medusan device called a "nightmare cannon.”

It is explained that this device "projects" a series of sonic sounds at the target to "disturb the hypothalamus" and cause visual hallucinations and nightmares.

In the castle, Shem and Adam rapidly experience hallucinations, seeing weird phantasms of Octavia and Fulvia. This sequence includes the worst special effects yet seen on the series, as the faces of the Medusan ladies are superimposed awkwardly over live footage in the castle (and at one point, even inside the clanking armor of medieval knights).

While all this is going on, the English government finally sends a representative to the scene (the Minister for Interior Security). About time. 

One might think that advanced aliens armed with immobilizing stun guns, nightmare-cannons, Nemesis spaceships, and "man finders" might be a matter of interest and some import to the national government. So far, no high official on Earth, from any nation, seems interested in opening diplomatic relations with Medusa.

Finally, the episode ends with the Nemesis taking to space, with Liz and Rudy aboard, which, we shall see next week, culminates with a welcome visit to Medusa.

Medusan Factoids revealed in "Nightmare Cannon":

*Taking life is against the Medusa’s religion. (But scaring people with the nightmare cannon is apparently perfectly fine)

.*According to Octavia, the English language can be learned by an "educated" Medusan in five minutes. This explains why universal translators are apparently not necessary, and there is no language barrier between Terrans and Medusans.

*Medusan proverb/quote: The male's fear of the female on Medusa is "the key to good government." This makes perfect sense in a repressive, tyrannical society. Those in power don’t want respect or input, they desire the fear of their citizenry, so that they may remain in power.

Overall, I have to note that, at this point, Star Maidens is not nearly as intriguing as my memories from childhood suggest. “Nemesis” and “Nightmare Cannon” are largely earthbound, with very little in terms of Keith Wilson’s production design to recommend it.  Also, there is very little here in terms of miniature/live-action special effects of quality. The alien robot, however, did appear in many periodicals and stills of the mid-1970’s, and is appropriately terrifying.

Next week, back to Medusa (yay!) in “The Proton Storm.”

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Comic-Book of the Week: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp (Gold Key Edition)

Lancelot Link GAF Viewmaster

Lancelot Link Cartoon Kit (Colorforms)

Halloween Costume of the Week: Lancelot Link (Ben Cooper)

Coloring Book of the Week: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp (Whitman)

Lunch Box of the Week: Lancelot Link

Theme Song of the Week: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp (1971)

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Star Trek 50th Anniversary Blogging: "The Lights of Zetar" (January 31, 1969)

Stardate 5725.3

The Enterprise proceeds to Memory Alpha, the Federation’s new informative archive station in deep space. 

Aboard the Enterprise is Lt. Mira Romaine (Jan Shutan), on her first space mission. Romaine’s job is to transfer information from the ship to Memory Alpha, but has also become involved in a love affair with Scotty (James Doohan).

On the way to Memory Alpha, the Enterprise encounters a strange storm that, when it strikes the ship, seems to impact different aspects of the humanoid brain. Mira takes the worst of the damage, and seems to start experiencing thoughts and ideas that are not her own.

The mysterious storm attacks Memory Alpha in the same way, destroying much of the archive. 

Meanwhile, Mira seems increasingly to be possessed by the so-called storm.

In fact, the storm is a conglomeration of life-forms from the long-destroyed world of Zetar. When the planet was destroyed, some citizens survived, but as non-corporeal energy. They have sought, for generations, to find a new humanoid host where they can live out some semblance of a normal life.

The lights of Zetar believe Mira is the perfect host for such a purpose, but Captain Kirk (William Shatner), Scotty (James Doohan) and the others fight for her life and freedom, attempting to free Mira from her possession by using a pressure chamber in sick bay.

In a very strange way, “The Lights of Zetar” may be one of the most influential episodes of the original Star Trek (1966-1969). 

Basically, this is one likely origin point of the (much-derided) “Mary Sue” fan story.  In fanzine tales of this type, a beautiful and highly-intelligent female (a surrogate for the fan writer) comes aboard the Enterprise, and falls in love with an established crew-member (Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty, etc.) 

Those feelings of passion and respect are completely reciprocated, and the entire command staff basically obsesses on this “Mary Sue” (Mira Romaine) as some kind of alien experience occurs involving her.  She holds the key to communication, or resolving the conflict.

This “The Lights of Zetar” premise is a probable foundation for literally hundreds of fanzine stories from the 1970’s. It’s easy to understand why. The focal point, or lead character is a competent, young, attractive Starfleet officer. There is a strong fantasy or wish-fulfillment element (the love affair with an admired series character), both in terms of romance and narcissism.  

Don’t you just know that you would fit right in with Kirk, Bones, Spock, and Scotty if they just met you and got a whiff of your beauty, wisdom, humor and intelligence?

So "The Lights of Zetar" launched a thousand fan fantasies.

In terms of the actual episode itself, “The Lights of Zetar” features a fine premise -- non-corporeal beings possessing humans -- but is less-than-satisfactory for a few key reasons.  First and foremost, Mira Romaine is lovely, but not very likable.

Several times in the episode, she is hostile to others, mainly Dr. McCoy.  I realize that Mira is a rookie getting her "space legs," but she does not seem to possess the temperament of a Starfleet officer holding the rank of lieutenant. She is unnecessarily attacking and harsh. (Okay, McCoy is this way too, temperamentally-speaking so perhaps I am setting a double standard. It’s okay for him to be irascible, but it isn’t okay for her?) 

Perhaps we simply accept McCoy’s crankiness or sharp edges because he’s a regular character, and we get to see other sides of his persona. Mira Romaine, in “The Lights of Zetar” is vaulted to a position of incredible importance in this episode, but I don’t think she is conceived or performed in a way that is three dimensional or particularly appealing.

I don't believe it an exaggeration to write that Scotty and Mira have no chemistry whatsoever. 

Scotty is paternal and doting, Mira is childish and clingy in return. There doesn’t seem to be a legitimate physical or intellectual attraction between the characters.  I deeply dislike Scotty “love stories” because they always seem out-of-character for the engineer. When he falls in love, Scotty stops being Scotty: a brilliant, high-strung, fast-talking technical genius. He becomes instead this adoring, blind puppy-dog person. 

I don’t think the approach serves the character well, or fits well with what we know of Scotty. I see him falling in love with someone more like him: an excitable, mile-a-minute engineer.

I understand lust and sexual desire, but Doohan and Shutan don’t play that angle. 

They don’t seem hot for each other in that way. It’s more like they’ve contracted an emotional disease called “love” which makes Scotty act out of character.

Also, too much of the episode sees the top crew obsessing paternally (and condescendingly) on Mira and her well being. Mira -- whatever her flaws, temperamentally -- is an independent woman, and not “the girl” everyone speaks of so condescendingly.

I also find it disturbing that the Memory Alpha situation is handed in such an off-handed manner.  

Memory Alpha, like Mira Romaine herself, is never seen of or heard of again in the original series after this episode.  

So, is the archive’s information recovered?  

Is the devastating loss to the galaxy permanent? 

The survival of the Federation’s greatest historical tool should be a primary focus of the episode.  But again, “The Lights of Zetar” is really the archetypal Mary Sue story. Everything comes down to our guest character, Mira, and her (unlikely but total) importance to the main crew.

Before she is shuffled off, and totally forgotten. By next week.

I dislike the focus here, but I can also see how this episode clearly resonated with fans, who went on to write a generation of variations on “The Lights of Zetar.”

In terms of the alien threat, I find the corporate life form of Zetar fascinating. 

Often in the series, Kirk argues passionately for the rights of the individual. The individual must choose for him or herself how to live, and not be impeded in that choice by overbearing religion (“Return of the Archons”), inhuman technology (“The Apple”) or even a misguided State (“A Taste of Armageddon,” “The Mark of Gideon.”)  

Here, Kirk argues for Mira’s inalienable right to control her own body and mind. The Zetarians want to use her, possess her, and control her, but Mira must be free to choose how she wants to live. I wonder if the idea of a group of entities forcibly living as one inside an unwilling host is actually Cold War commentary on Communism, the idea of the state forcing its collective will upon individuals.

Kirk is absolutely right to send the Zetar survivors packing, given the forceful and unrepentant way they hijack Mira, but it is nonetheless a shame that some accord couldn’t be reached, wherein the knowledge, memories and consciousness of the Zetar people could survive in an artificial body (“Return to Tomorrow.”)

I don’t have any hate in my heart for “The Lights of Zetar,” and there are solid concepts at work in the episode. Yet overall, the episode feels less compelling than it should be, perhaps because the Scotty-Mira relationship is so lacking in energy and passion. It just seems wrong, and not true to the Scotty we know and love.

Next week: “Requiem for Methuselah.” 

Monday, August 21, 2017

Ask JKM a Question: Where are the aliens in modern sci-fi TV?

A reader named Don writes:

“Hi, John:

The more I read your blog, the more I enjoy it! (And I think your views on casting for Princess Leia are spot-on.)

A question for consideration as part of your "Ask JKM" segment:

What happened to the aliens? 

My wife and I are fans of Killjoys and Dark Matter, but aside from the latter's android, the galaxy seems filled entirely with humans. The Battlestar Galactica reboot, too, had Cylons becoming human-like. It seems like the more advanced film-making gets in terms of technological advances, the less exotic these worlds are becoming. 

Star Trek--in all its previous series--was limited in how it could render its aliens (a lot of ridges in foreheads!), but at least there was variety of species. Farscape, too, was great about that. Why are current series losing this?

Thank you for your question, Don, and I know you asked a second question too, which I will get to separately.

But first, I have to compliment you on the question. I liked some qualities of the Battlestar Galactica reboot but the thing I disliked most about it was the series’ overall lack of curiosity about the universe; the idea that there could be other life-forms out there, beyond Cylon (human-created, in the re-imagination) and human.  

Firefly (2002), which I liked better, also featured a universe without aliens.

I am happy that Discovery (2017) is coming soon, and looks to be honoring Star Trek’s legacy of creating incredible alien characters, but it has been disheartening, since 2001, to see so many TV series turning away from the possibility of alien life.

It is disappointing for two reasons.

First, this choice demonstrates a lack of imagination and curiosity, as I noted above. 

There’s almost no world exploration in the rebooted BSG, and that just seems -- to quote Contact (1997) -- a terrible waste of space. By contrast, the original Battlestar Galactica had no shortage of aliens beyond the Cylons (Ovions, Borellian Nomen, Boray, Eastern Alliance, etc.), so the new series didn't love up to the legacy of the original in at least one very significant way.

Secondly, what were the aliens replaced with on some of these new series?  

Well, I think in a misguided attempt to see more “real” to modern viewers, aliens were shunted into the background or forgotten, and the focus became soap opera foibles

You know, this character is a recovering alcoholic. This other character is sleeping with this person’s wife. This character isn’t talking to his father because he blames him for the death of his brother.

I think the writers and producers thought they were being dark and gritty, and realistic. Perhaps they thought they were freeing themselves from Star Trek’s limits on how characters could interact. 

They were actually porting As the World Turns into sci-fi TV, and the impact is still felt today.

What we have seen replace the aliens in these newer series is pure soap opera plotting. Again, more realistic, perhaps, but far less imaginative in terms of science fiction.  I understand that believable aliens are difficult to come up with, and expensive to create. But I would argue that it is worth the effort.

 Imagine if Star Trek had gone this route, and we had never gotten Mr. Spock.

One of the key functions of science fiction TV is to comment on the human condition. It is so much easier to do that, I think, from an outside or alien perspective. I see a lot of modern science fiction TV abandoning this approach, either because of budgetary constraints, concern about realism, or due to the aforementioned lack of curiosity about what life might look like on another planet.

I certainly hope Discovery brings about a new era of aliens on TV.

Thank you for the question! 

Don’t forget to ask me your questions at  And while I’m at it, don’t forget to send me your top twenty Star Trek episode lists at the same e-mail address.

Cult-TV Theme Watch: The Piano

A piano is an acoustic musical instrument in which strings are struck by a hammer, and sound is produced. 

A piano, and instruments much like it (organs, harpsichords, etc.), have appeared frequently in cult-TV history. 

Often times, the presence of a piano in a scene suggests a degree of refinement among a TV character. A character who plays the piano is intellectual, composed, and talented. But he or she may also possess a dark side.

One of the most famous examples of a piano in sci-fi TV comes from Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone (1959-1964). In the episode “A Piano in the House,” a music critic played by the late, great Barry Morse acquires a piano that, when played, reveals hidden facets of people. Morse’s character, Fitzgerald, uses the piano to abuse his wife, and eventually his guests at a party.  Soon, however, the piano also exposes him as a bitter, envious, unloved man.

In Star Trek (1966-1969), Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) played a piano-like instrument (actually a harpsichord) in the third season story, “Requiem for Methuselah.”  There, the half-Vulcan found the instrument, and an original composition by Johannes Brahms in the home of an enigmatic stranger, Flint.

In 1985, the low-budget horror anthology Tales from the Darkside (1983-1988) featured a tale called “The Satanic Piano” about a haunted instrument that could read minds…and steal souls.

In 1995, an episode of Goosebumps (1995-1998) called “Piano Lessons Can Be Murder” featured an old piano, a ghost, and a dark secret.

Another piano playing character in cult-TV history is Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen), who has a taste for…classical music (as well as human flesh) in the NBC series named after him.

One of the best episodes of The Walking Dead (2010 - ) is “Alone,” which airs in the fourth season, and finds Daryl (Norman Reedus) and Beth (Emily Kinney) taking shelter in a funeral home. Beth plays the piano for Daryl, and a bond is forged between them as she plays.

A recent episode of Doctor Who (2005 - ), called “Lie of the Land” revealed that the Master -- Missy -- plays the piano.

The Cult-TV Faces of: The Piano

Identified by Will Perez: The Twilight Zone: "A Piano in the House"

Identified by Will Perez: "The Addams Family."

Identified by Will Perez: Batman

Identified by Will: Star Trek: "Requiem for Methuselah."

Identified by Will Perez: Dark Shadows.

Not Identified: Tales from the Darkside: "The Satanic Piano."

Identified by Hugh: Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Identified by Will Perez: South Park.

Identified by Will Perez: Smallville.

Identified by Will Perez: The Walking Dead: "Alone."

Not Identified: Hannibal.