Kolchak Blogging: "Bad Medicine" (November 29, 1974)

In "Bad Medicine" two wealthy old Chicago socialites are murdered, their extravagant gems stolen right out from under their corpses.  Naturally, Kolchak (Darren McGavin) investigates the crimes. He soon learns of a Native American legend, the Diablero, and suspects that the supernatural being may be stalking Chicago.

Kolchak explores Native American lore to help find a way to stop the sorcerer, an individual who can "transmute" himself, transforming into an animal such as a crow or a wolf.  According to legend, the Diablero is also gathering a fortune in gems, to pay off an eternal curse.  He is able to hold his victims in an unbreakable trance.

Kolchak learns that the Diablero's power rests in his eyes, and that if he sees his reflection, he will be destroyed. Now he just must find where the monster is hiding...

Although "Bad Medicine" treads into some typical cliches of Native American lore on TV (namely the portrayal of such individuals by non-Native Americans), it is nonetheless a fun and worthwhile episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974-1975).  

Richard Kiel -- Jaws of The Spy Who Loved Me (1977), Moonraker (1979) -- portrays the monster of the week, a diabolical sorcerer preying on Chicago's wealthy. Kiel's physicality makes him effective in the role, even though he is not relegated to shadows or darkness.  In other words, he isn't frightening, but he is creepy.

Two scenes mark this episode as especially noteworthy. 

The first is Kolchak's attempt to break into a gem auction populated by the rich. He fakes his way in to the society event, and then pretends to speak the language of the haves-and-have mores.  He is also, amusingly, described as one of the "Hoboken Kolchaks."  That's not a high-class sounding lineage, according to this New Jerseyite.

The second scene is one closer to the climax, and which perfectly encapsulates Carl's character. He travels alone to Champion Towers, the high ground taken as sanctuary by the Diablero. Kolchak has brought with him a small, hand-held mirror to use to stop the supernatural being.  As he approaches the monster, however, he clumsily drops the mirror and it shatters on the floor. Now he has no weapon, and he has signaled his opponent to his presence in his lair. Kolchak is -- as usual -- left to improvise, while experiencing stark, raving terror, as well. Fortunately, Kolchak runs across the accouterments of a bathroom, including a mirror, in the level under construction, and is able to yield a shard of it against the Diablero.

In 2018, the special effects, make-up, and even general pacing of these 1974 episodes render them largely non-scary, and most non-suspenseful. However, the humor and the humanity of Kolchak still shine through.  The narratives may leave much to be desired by today's standards, but the idiosyncratic nature of the writing and acting make each installment a treat.

Next week: "The Spanish Moss Murders."

Kolchak Blogging: "The Devil's Platform" (November 15, 1974)

In "The Devil's Platform," Kolchak (Darren McGavin) follows with great interest a senatorial election in Illinois. 

A candidate named Robert Palmer (Tom Skerritt), has risen from obscurity to challenge the incumbent, Senator Talbot. On the day of Kolchak's interview with the rising star, one of his campaign officials dies in a freak elevator accident. A fierce canine is spotted at the scene.

That's not the end of the election season body count, either. Soon, Talbot dies in a car crash, and the canine is also witnessed there.  Talbot's death makes Palmer's rise to the senate all-but-guaranteed. 

Kolchak soon learns why these deaths have occurred: Senator Palmer, with his wife's (Ellen Weston) knowledge, has made a blood pact with Satan, the Prince of Darkness. The Devil has gifted him with the power to turn into a canine (hell hound?) to help him rise to power.

Palmer attempts to tempt Kolchak into a similar pact with the Devil, promising him a Pulitzer, and cushy job in New York.

"Politics makes strange bedfellows," Kolchak reports (in a line probably adapted from Shakespeare's The Tempest) at the start of "The Devil's Platform."  

That observation (and warning...) makes for a wicked and fun episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker that connects contemporary partisan politics to pure evil. 

Again, one must remember that the series aired at the time of the Watergate Scandal in American politics, so it is likely no coincidence that this episode ties the supernatural to political scandal.  Even in the mainstream press, journalists were likening Nixon's White House to a horror film, suggesting that the first family's domicile needed an exorcism to rid it of the evil inhabiting it. This episode treads more deeply into the politics/supernatural evil conceit popular at the time.

Tom Skerritt, later a star of Alien (1979) and Picket Fences (1992 - 1996) is the face of evil in this tale, a man who has sacrificed his immortal soul for power on this mortal coil. One of the most fascinating scenes in the episode finds Palmer and his wife debating about whether he can undo the deal, since it doesn't seem to be going well for him.  

Alas, deals with the devil don't typically feature an escape clause.

The droll nature of this episode makes "The Devil's Platform" feel a bit smarter and mature than some other episodes of this nearly forty-five year old series. All the jokes take on a deeper meaning if one possesses any cynicism whatsoever about American politics. When some extreme candidates win their races, the only rational explanation seems, even today, that the politician in question has made a deal with the Devil.  

The episode also seems aware of the pitfalls of populism. Kolchak calls Palmer the "great white hope of the blue collar" voter,  and in real life we know too well especially today, the pitfalls of that kind of populism.

This episode also succeeds because of its brief but powerful insights into Kolchak's "insatiable desires."  It seems that our beloved Kolchak dreams of winning a Pulitzer Prize, and getting a job in New York with a big, well-established paper (likely The New York Times). He doesn't want wealth, or power. He wants a bigger audience.  This is perfect. Kolchak wants respectability and to tell his stories, with less impediments.

Of course, in the end, Kolchak is not tempted to make a deal with the Devil to see his dreams come true.

Next week: "Bad Medicine."

Kolchak Blogging: "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be" (September 27, 1974)

As the World Series begins, Kolchak (Darren McGavin) is drawn into an investigation of several animal deaths at the Lincoln Park Zoo, as well as the unusual theft of two tons of led ingots from a local warehouse, one owned by Raydyne Electronics.

The story leads Kolchak to a resident on Mariposa Way, Mr.Brindle (Dick Van Patten), who complains about a foul-smelling substance on his lawn, which he believes the local government left there.

All these incidents relate to an extra-terrestrial incursion on Earth by apparently-invisible aliens. They have been eating the bone marrows of the zoo animals, and leaving the strange black muck behind, which Kolchak surmises is an alien digestive secretion.

Kolchak tracks the aliens to their flying saucer.

In inescapable cheapness hangs over “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be,” an early episode (sometimes known by the alternate title of “U.F.O.”) that qualifies as Kolchak: The Night Stalker’s (1974-1975) most disappointing installment.

The visiting aliens are invisible (a cheap expedient), and so there is no visible monster-of-the-week to speak of. The episode’s last act reveals the alien saucer, and it’s a silver-plated jalopy, too, a chintzy vehicle that fails utterly to capture any sense of mystery, wonder, majesty or terror about the beings that have arrived on our world.

There are a lot of fireworks, stunts, and slow-motion photography in this “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be,” and yet none of these bells-and-whistles do anything constructive. They only slow down the narrative. 

Basically, Kolchak puts all the disparate pieces together, and recounts (a fascinating) summation about “a traveler who has a break down, and stops for a bite to eat” on Earth, but the individual pieces involving led, hydrochloric acid, and bone marrow, don’t amount to much, individually-speaking, or together. There is some interesting discussion of “Wormwood” and the fact that there is no existing U.S. government agency dedicated to the study of UFOs, but not much else of interest occurs. An X-Files (1993-2002) episode in the 1990’s, intriguingly includes some of the same elements. “Fearful Symmetry” from the second season also features zoo animals, invisibility, and aliens.

The high-points of “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be” are all non-genre related. Dick Van Patten puts in a great guest-appearance as an argumentative Chicago-an, dealing with an unwanted mess in his yard. Gordy the Ghoul is also back, running his illegal gambling pools from the city morgue, and acerbic, gravelly-voiced James Gregory plays Quill, the stone-walling police captain of the week. Gregory is suitably caustic and condescending to Kolchak, warning hi that “responsible journalists” risk “losing credibility” when reporting on a story-like this one.

The episode’s best moment involves the repartee between Kolchak and Vincenzo (Simon Oakland). Vincenzo of the “cast-iron” stomach is tested mightily, eating his gourmet dinner, as Kolchak goes over the nauseating tales of eaten bone marrow and the black excrement consisting of the marrow and hydrochloric acid.

It’s intriguing that Kolchak: The Night Stalker typically exceeds in sharp language, and crafting distinctive, memorable characters, even when the horror (or in this case, sci-fi…) aspects fail egregiously. That’s the case in this episode, and some of the scenes featuring the invisible extra-terrestrial border on the ridiculous.

Next week: “The Vampire.”

Kolchak Blogging: "The Zombie" (September 20, 1974)

During an investigation of the murder of several mobsters, Kolchak (Darren McGavin) learns that the victims had their spines snapped by the murderer, one with chicken blood on his person.  Looking into the case further, Kolchak learns that Francois Edmunds, a Haitian, was shot and murdered by the mob. He has returned from the grave to murder those responsible for his death. He is now a zombie, controlled by a zombie master, who leaves his earthen bed each night, and targets those who ended his life.

A frightened Kolchak plots to stop the zombie massacre. He tracks the zombie’s home to a junk yard, and there – armed with a sewing needle, threat, white candles, and salt, plans to sew the monster’s mouth shut and end the horrifying killing spree

If I could only recommend one episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974-1975) to a friend, it would be this episode, “The Zombie,” which is suspenseful, but also serves as a perfect time capsule of the mid-1970’s. Lest we forget it, Kolchak, The Night Stalker aired in the era of "hero" journalists like Woodward and Bernstein, right after the Watergate Scandal. Embedded in the series' DNA is the then-popular belief that one man can fight City Hall; that one man can make a difference. In the series, Kolchak is always battling corrupt cops or politicians and trying (and often failing...) to get the truth out to the people. This was before the age of a corporate news business and compliant "talking points" media. Kolchak -- for all his failures as a human being -- is a sterling journalist and a paragon of virtue in the sense that he always follows a story...no matter where it takes him. Unlike today’s media, which is more interested n ratings than the truth, he isn’t afraid to speak truth to power.

"The Zombie" reveals this "man against City Hall" aesthetic in spades. While investigating a gangland "syndicate" killing, Kolchak begins to suspect that a Mamalois, a voodoo priestess, has activated a zombie to kill the mobsters who put out a hit on her grandson, Haitian Francois Edmonds. Kolchak works every angle of the case, which allows him to consult the series' colorful recurring cast members, like John Fiedler's on-the-take "Gordy the Ghoul," an enthusiastic informant who works in City Morgue. The case also puts Kolchak in direct opposition with police captain Leo Winwood (Charles Aidman), who has a dark involvement with the mob case. In voice-over, Kolchak describes his relationship with Winwood as "long and bloody; like the Crusades...only without the chivalry."

One of the episode's best moment involves Kolchak putting Captain Winwood on the spot while he conducts an official press briefing (a ritual Kolchak derides as "a foolish game.") The Helen Thomas or Sam Donaldson of his day, Kolchak pummels the evasive Winwood with facts until the dishonest police captain threatens to have him expelled. Why our White House Press couldn't push Sarah Huckabee Sanders this way is beyond me. A liar in the service of power needs to be called out, regularly.

Another aspect of the episode involves Kolchak tangling with Monique Marmelstein, the new partner Vincenzo has assigned him. Monique is a pudgy, annoying presence who got her job at INS through what she calls "nespotism" (but she means nepotism.) Just as the Winwood character is found to be corrupt; so does Kolchak here find corruption in his INS office. It turns out Monique's uncle is a powerful figure in local politics, so Vincenzo has no choice but to accommodate her on his staff. At a police shoot-out, however, Kolchak finds an inventive way to keep Monique out of his way: the always loquacious Kolchak jaw-bones Monique into hiding in the trunk of his car; and then locks her in. Not very nice. But undeniably effective.

The political undercurrents of Kolchak and the pervasive context of Watergate are always fascinating elements of the series, but as a horror fan I admire "The Zombie" for its spine-tingling denouement. Convinced that a zombie is being resurrected nightly for revenge killings, Kolchak researches the ways to kill it. He discovers that zombies often rest in the "places of the dead" (mortuaries, graveyards, etc.) and that to kill one he must pour salt into the mouth, and then use needle and thread to sew the lips "very tightly" together. However, that mode of execution only works if the zombie is dormant. If awake, the undead can be killed by strangulation. But ever try strangling a zombie before?

Kolchak finds his living-dead quarry at an unconventional "place of the dead," an auto junkyard (where cars go to die.). In particular, Kolchak happens across the zombie in a wrecked funeral hearse. We watch with mounting suspense as Kolchak crawls in through the back of the hearse and methodically pours salt into the zombie's mouth. He slowly takes out the needle and is about to begin sewing the lips shut when...

...the zombie's eyes open and Kolchak - terrified - shrieks and hightails it out of the hearse.

I have to admit, this is one of the things I absolutely love about this character. So often in horror movies and television lately, characters face extreme situations (like vampires, zombies and werewolves) with a bit too much composure and acceptance for my taste. In keeping with Kolchak's 1970s-vibe and "everyman" nature, the character is foolhardy, but when faced with a monster, pretty damn terrified. Upon seeing the zombie awake, Kolchak turns tail and runs like hell. "Suspension of disbelief" is important in horror and science fiction, and if the characters don't respond in a truthful manner to the strange events around them, I found suspension of disbelief is lost. A lot of movies and TV shows today can't be bothered to actually generate suspense or have characters react in a realistic way. But Kolchak is a dogged everyman, and reacts how you or I might.

So Kolchak turns tail and runs through the junkyard, the white-eyed zombie hot on his heels. With a degree of ingenuity and on the fly, Kolchak manages to trick the lunging zombie into a noose, hence the necessary strangulation of the creature. But the point is that it all looks very unplanned, very spontaneous, and therefore very human. Kolchak: The Night Stalker did things in this fashion all the time, and the audience found itself rooting for the little guy not just as he battled City Hall, but as he battled terrifying monsters too (or more appropriately, a different kind of monster than he found ensconced in the hallways of power).

Of course, the very nature of episodic television assures that the protagonist survives his or her travails week-to-week, but the very fallible nature of this particular protagonist actually makes the viewer forget such convention and hold on tight to that critical suspension of disbelief. Carl has heart, but he's hapless and -- like most of us -- not exactly courageous in the face of the unknown. That's why I love the guy; he's us.

With its roving night-time camera, hand-held moments promoting immediacy, staccato character banter, sharp writing and unforgettably individual protagonist, Kolchak: The Night Stalker is really a shining jewel in genre television's crown. It's a one-of-a-kind production, and "The Zombie" reveals why. It moves effortlessly from comedy to social commentary, to monsters-on-the-loose with utter confidence, not to mention an overwhelming sense of charm and fun.

Next Week: “They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be.”