Tuesday, November 03, 2015

007 Week: The Top Five Bond Double Entendres

A double-entendre is a risqué or ironic comment, designed to be taken two ways, or to boast a double meaning.  

And as we know from fifty-three years of Bond films, nobody excels at cheeky double-entendres more than Agent 007.

These double-entendres are a matter of subjective taste, no doubt, but below are my choices for the top five double-entendres in the Bond canon.  

You’ll notice that none come from the more serious-minded Dalton or Craig Bonds, or even the early Connery installments. 

5. “Just a slight stiffness coming on.” On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969). 

Here, Bond (George Lazenby) masquerades as the effete, bookish Sir Hillary (or “Hilly”) at Blofeld’s mountaintop headquarters on Piz Gloria.  

In the Alpine Room, one of Blofeld’s luscious patients surreptitiously writes her room number in lipstick on Bond’s leg (beneath his kilt).  Bond is jolted, and Irma Bunt, Blofeld’s assistant, asks if anything is wrong.  His response concerns the altitude, I suppose you could say.

4. “I believe he’s attempting re-entry, sir.” Moonraker (1979).

This raunchy double-entendre is actually spoken by Q (Desmond Llewelyn), not Bond, and likely without knowledge of the raunchy double meaning.  

The joke appears at the end of the film, as Mission Control captures an image of Bond (Roger Moore) and Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) making love aboard a space shuttle in flight, returning to Earth.   The same year as Moonraker premiered, there was also a re-entry sex joke in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. 

3. “No sense going off half-cocked.” Live and Let Die (1973).

Roger Moore’s first Bond film featured this unforgettable and bawdy joke.  In the film, Bond has just made love to the virgin Solitaire (Jane Seymour) and instructed her in a series of “Lover’s Lessons.”  

Solitaire asks if there is time for a review of Lover’s Lesson Two -- *ahem* -- and Bond replies with this classic (if crude...) witticism.

2. “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”  The World is Not Enough (1999).

This is The World is Not Enough’s closing line/joke, and as I remember it drew a tremendous and spontaneous roar of approval/laughter from the audience I saw the film with.   

Here, Bond beds Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) and makes a really bad joke about her name and the holiday season.  It’s kind of a cheap laugh, yet, but I can’t deny that it works perfectly as a capper for the film, or has the desired effect. 

1.”Named after your father, perhaps.” Diamonds are Forever (1971).

This double-entendre is Bond’s classic rejoinder when introduced to a lovely lass named Plenty O’Toole (Lana Wood) in Sean Connery’s swan song, Diamonds are Forever (1971).   

This one always makes me laugh, and reminds me how the double-entendres that work best in the Bond series are crude and naughty, but colorfully and imaginatively crude and naughty.

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